My Bed is a NO FLY ZONE……but

I just simply cannot convince the resident cats of 2 salient facts

1) It is MY bed, not theirs. I read on Facebook that wherever a cat chooses to sleep belongs to the cat, not to the staff.

2) Now if I could convince the little darlings (13 pounds and 20 pounds respectively) of number 1 above I would still need to convince them that said bed is a NO FLY zone. I hear you shaking your head and saying WTF is a no fly zone? Let me explain!

Twice now I have been landed on by a flying (and ticked off) cat. The thing is that when these landings occurred I was in MY BED (see number 1 above) innocently trying to sleep.

You might think–or even say –what is so bad about being landed on by a flying cat? Even if you were asleep, you could just brush the cat away (or shout at him) and go back to sleep.

This cat flies with claws out, hissing, and yowling. So far I have ended up with puncture wounds on my left leg and on the right side of my head (my friends–and even some of my enemies–would tell you that I have enough holes in my head already without adding punctures from a pissed off cat!)

Adding to the general enjoyment (NOT) of the situation are 2 additional facts:

1) the cat in question last had his nails trimmed during summer…………2008 (that’s right boys and girls, THREE years ago) and the cat staff was not the trimmer. She doesn’t have a death wish! Oh no when Percy the Pisser went in for his test to see why he was spraying all over the place the vet techs trimmed his claws in self-defense.

2) the staff of the aforementioned cat takes blood thinners. I think we can all see where this is going and it is not good for the staff (nor is it good for anyone with virgin ears as the cat staff tends to be a bit ….. salty…..shall we say?)

The occasional scratch on my shoulders –this cat loves my shoulders– is an occupational hazard (the occupation being cat lover and cat staff). I don’t include the flying cat using me for landing practice in this category.

Perhaps I should start sleeping with the squirt bottle?

And now for the view from the peanut gallery (namely one gray cat named Percy): MEOW!!